Why Leaders Struggle to Apologize (And How to Get It Right)

Most leaders struggle with apologizing because they believe it makes them appear weak and undermines their authority. Ultimately, they do not believe they did anything wrong. But if you want to build trust, heal fractures, and lead from strength, then mastering the art of the leader’s apology is non-negotiable. Leaders don’t have to be perfect. But we do have to be accountable. Today, I break down the ingredients of a meaningful apology, why so few leaders do it well, and how it can become one of your most impactful leadership tools.

When done right, apologizing:

• Rebuilds trust.

• Models humility.

• Diffuses resentment.

• Shows emotional intelligence.

• And resets the tone for the team.

Apologies go sideways when:

• You use vague language: “Mistakes were made.”

• You shift blame: “If people misunderstood me...”

• You use it manipulatively to shut down feedback.

Q: Have you ever worked for a leader who was bad at apologizing? How did it affect your work environment? How did the rest of the team respond to their apologies?

Steps to Apologizing

1. Own it.

Don’t reference other people’s feelings or responses. Focus on your actions and admit that you were wrong or hurt people, even if it was unintentional.

2. Be specific.

Specific apologies feel personal. Clearly state what you did, where, and when.

Ex. “I spoke too harshly in that meeting. That wasn’t fair to you.”

3. Don’t over-explain.

You can give context later. Don’t bury the apology in justifications.

4. Acknowledge the impact.

It’s not just about your intent. It’s about how your actions affected others.

Ex. “I realize that caused confusion and made the team feel devalued.”

5. Commit to change.

The best apologies point forward. Explain what you learned and how you will ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Q: What makes an apology meaningful for you? Do you find it easy to accept apologies? Is it different at work vs. in your personal life? Why or why not?

Application Activity:

Take some time alone outside of work and reflect on whether there is anyone you owe an apology to. Is there a team member, a spouse, a client, or a coworker who you led poorly, or hurt unintentionally? Don’t beat yourself up over your mistake; instead, take a moment to reflect on how it impacted the other person and what you can do to make it right. If apologizing doesn't come naturally to you, write down your apology and review it against the framework presented above.