That's Not Who We Are (4 Phrases Leaders Need to Know Part 3)

Every team, company, and even family has moments when something happens that violates the culture. So, what do you do when someone cuts a corner, speaks disrespectfully, or acts in a way that is inconsistent with your team's values and standards? In the third part of our series on the phrases all leaders need to know, we'll address the phrase, "That's not who we are." And help you feel confident using this phase to reinforce your team's values, standards, and identity.

Why saying, "That's not who we are" is so powerful:

• You're not attacking a person; you're challenging their behavior and reinforcing what your company believes in.

• It corrects without condemning; you're not telling your team member that they're bad; you're communicating that their behavior didn't align with who you believe they are.

• It builds cultural memory. The more your team hears you say it, the more they will start saying it to each other, creating a healthy culture that doesn't rely on you to reinforce every expectation.

Q: Has anyone ever said, "That's not who you/we are." To you? How did you respond? How did it feel to get that feedback?

How do I use this technique?

Example: A customer service rep dismisses a frustrated customer. You follow up and say: "That response didn't reflect our heart for people. That's not who we are."

Example: A teammate gossips in a meeting. Later, in private, you say, "I know we all get frustrated, but tearing someone down when they're not here… that's not who we are."

Example: The team starts slipping into "just get it done" mode. You remind them, "Excellence has always been part of our DNA. Let's not lose that. That's not who we are."

Q: When could you use this phrase in your leadership context? Are there any cultural issues within your company that you would like to address? When could you use this phrase to help correct the culture?

Application Activity

How clear are the cultural expectations for your team? What core behaviors define the identity of your team? Take some time to ensure you have a clear understanding of the answers to these questions, and then present them to your team. Get their input and buy-in so that when you start saying, "That's not who we are," they understand why you're correcting the behavior.