Things Leaders Must Lose Part 2

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by all the leadership habits you need to develop or the one routine people swear changed their leadership for the better? Sometimes growth is not about adding something new; it is about removing what should not be there. In the second part of this two-part series, we’re talking about losing the fear of difficult conversations, the need to defend yourself, the need for recognition, and the status quo. We’ll also give you self-audit questions and an easy way to take action and start being the leader you want to be.

1.     Lose the Fear of Difficult Conversations

Many leadership problems stem from leaders avoiding difficult conversations. They delay feedback, hoping problems will fix themselves. But avoidance always makes problems worse. Giving feedback may be uncomfortable, but avoiding feedback creates the pain of unmet expectations. You have to choose which pain you prefer.

Self Audit Questions

1. Is there someone on my team who needs clear feedback that I have been delaying?

2. Do I soften messages so much that the real issue never gets addressed?

Application Activity:

Think about a situation at work that deserves clarity. Use the principles in Firm Feedback in a Fragile World to decide whether you need to clarify an expectation or reinforce it with accountability. Remember, you can be firm and clear while still being caring and respectful.

2.     Lose the Need for Recognition

Some leaders measure success by how often they receive credit, but your best leadership moments often happen quietly behind the scenes. When your employees grow and improve, they get praise for their efforts. That’s not only okay, it’s ideal! The goal of leadership is not the personal spotlight; it’s organizational progress.

Self Audit Questions

1. Do I feel frustrated when someone else receives recognition for something I contributed to?

2. Am I more focused on personal credit or team success?

Application Activity:

This week, publicly recognize someone on your team for their contribution without mentioning your role in the outcome. Celebrate them!

3.     Lose the Habit of Defending Yourself

When leaders receive feedback, some immediately defend themselves. They explain, justify, and rationalize their behavior, but by doing so, they stop learning.  Confident leaders are not offended by feedback or even criticism. They stay curious, ask questions, and evaluate the feedback before reacting.

Self Audit Questions

1. When someone gives me feedback, is my first instinct to explain my position?

2. Do people feel safe giving me honest feedback?

Application Activity:

The next time you receive feedback, respond with this phrase first. “Thank you for sharing that. Tell me more.” That response opens the door to learning and gives you a moment to regulate.

4.     Lose the Comfort of the Status Quo

Some leaders settle into comfortable routines. Over time, they stop challenging assumptions, stop experimenting, and stop stretching themselves, which can quietly slow progress. They settle for good because great is risky. However, if you cling to what once worked, you may miss what comes next.

Self-Audit Questions

1. When was the last time I intentionally pushed myself to learn something new as a leader?

2. Am I leading from curiosity or from comfort?

Application Activity:

Identify one leadership skill you want to improve this quarter. What resources could you buy to help you grow? Who can you interview who has mastered this skill? Communicate your plan to a boss or mentor and ask them to help hold you accountable.