How Leaders Accidentally Train Teams Not to Be Honest

When was the last time someone at work told you something you genuinely did not want to hear? As uncomfortable as it can be, hearing uncomfortable truths is necessary if you want to be a successful leader. Silence is not a sign that everything is going well! The more positional authority you have, the more people feel like they should be cautious and deferential around you. Today’s episode is about why leaders struggle to get feedback, how it erodes leadership effectiveness, and what great leaders do differently to make sure they are not leading in an echo chamber.

Why Titles Create Distance From Truth

I spend a lot of my time helping senior leaders become more effective. Specifically, I help them anticipate blind spots as they expand their title and influence. Good leaders try to be open. They say the right things, and they have good intentions. However, a leadership title also gives you reward authority; the ability to grant or withhold things people care about, like compensation, promotions, visibility, security, and approval. As a result, people will tell you what you want to hear so that they ensure they receive the rewards you can give. They fear that giving negative feedback or disagreeing with your approach will keep them from the things they want most.

Q: What does reward authority mean to you? Why do you think it influences how people act toward a leader? Have you ever met a leader that successfully invited feedback despite their reward authority? How did they do it?

Fake Applause is Dangerous

• It reinforces confidence without accuracy.

• It speeds up bad decisions.

• It convinces leaders that alignment exists when it does not.

• It encourages other team members to conform rather than confront.

The Cost of Not Hearing the Truth

1.     Decisions get worse. You begin making calls based on partial information, filtered perspectives, and unchallenged optimism.

2.     Trust Erodes. Your team knows the real issues. They just know you are not hearing them. That creates a growing gap between what they experience and what you respond to.

3.     Your credibility takes a hit. Not because you are a bad leader, but because people think you are out of touch.

How Leaders Accidentally Train People Not to Be Honest

Most leaders do not intentionally silence the truth. When people bring their problems to them, they respond by directing the approach without pausing to understand the problem or asking questions. The leader feels helpful, but employees feel micromanaged. Your response teaches people what topics are safe, how much honesty costs, and when silence is the smarter move.

Q: Describe a leader who trained their team not to tell them the truth. How did they do it? What were the results? Did anyone ever try to tell them the truth? How did they respond?

A Leadership Reality Check

Truth does not travel uphill on its own. You have to seek out and reward honesty. The best leaders ask questions they do not already know the answer to, pause before reacting, and thank people for honesty even when it stings.

What Great Leaders Do Differently

Separate Truth From Tone

When someone is brave enough to bring you hard feedback, resist the urge to judge how it was delivered. Truth rarely arrives polished. When leaders require a perfect tone, they end up punishing honesty. Listening for the signal instead of the packaging makes it safer for people to speak up again. Over time, this increases both the quality and frequency of truth you receive.

Normalize Disagreement

Say this loud for everyone to hear: “If someone sees this differently, I want to hear it.” Then, pause long enough for someone to respond. Most teams have been trained that disagreement equals disruption. When you invite public disagreement, you lower perceived risk and raise the standard for thinking. People stop guessing what you want to hear and start sharing what they see.

Reward Public Honesty

When someone challenges an idea or brings a concern, thank them in front of others. Public appreciation recalibrates reward authority. It tells the room that honesty leads to respect, not consequences. Over time, this shifts the culture from compliance to contribution.

Ask Better Questions

The questions you ask determine the answers you get. Ensure your questions are phrased so they sound like invitations to collaborate rather than to dissent. Instead of asking if there are “Any concerns?” ask:

• “What are we missing?”

• “What feels off about this?”

• “If this goes wrong, why will it go wrong?”

Q: What else do you think leaders who create safety and trust on their team do differently? Describe a lead you felt willing to give tough feedback to. What did they do? How did they build trust with you? How can you apply their approach to your own leadership context?

Application Activity

Do a personal audit. The patterns you create today determine how honest people will be with you tomorrow. Answer the following questions to understand better your team’s current attitudes toward being honest with you.

·       Who consistently tells me the truth?

·       Who has gone quiet?

·       How have I contributed to their silence?