Have you ever told someone what to do, only to have them push back, resist, or completely disengage? It's likely not because they're difficult—it's because people naturally resist being told what to do. Leadership isn't about telling people what to do. It's about guiding them to achieve a shared vision. When you shift from commanding to collaborating, you'll see incredible results—in not only performance but also trust, engagement, and morale. Today on the Champion Forum Podcast, we discuss why people don't like being told what to do and how leaders can shift from a directive to a collaborative approach.
Why Don't People Like Being Told What to Do?
Loss of Autonomy:
People value independence and control over their decisions. When you tell them what to do, they may feel like their autonomy is being stripped away. When you do this repeatedly, people feel micromanaged and begin to disengage from their work.
2. Ego and Identity:
People want to feel capable and respected. Being told what to do can make them feel incompetent or undervalued. This is especially true with tenured employees.
3. Lack of Buy-In:
People resist instructions they don't fully understand or agree with. Without context or rationale, directives can feel arbitrary.
What to do Instead: Become More Collaborative
Ask Instead of Tell:
Phrase instructions as questions to involve others in the decision-making process.
Example: Instead of "Change this report format," ask, "How can we make this report more streamlined?"
2. Provide Context and Purpose:
Explain the "why" behind a request to create alignment and buy-in.
Example: Instead of "I need this done by Friday," say, "If we complete this by Friday, we'll be ahead of schedule and impress the client."
3. Involve Them in Problem-Solving:
Encourage your team to brainstorm solutions rather than dictating actions.
Example: "We're facing a bottleneck in production. What ideas do you have to improve efficiency?"
4. Empower Decision-Making:
When possible, delegate decisions.
Example: Instead of "Follow this script for the presentation," say, "What approach do you think will resonate best with the audience?
Application Activities:
What situations do you think you should use directive feedback? Have you ever been in a situation where you regretted not giving a directive? Why? Consider how you can determine whether you need to use collaborative feedback. If you are entering a meeting where you can be collaborative, write a note to yourself on your agenda so you remember to gain input and allow people to take some creative control where appropriate.
Do you find collaboration easy or hard? Why? Does your team think you are good at giving up control? If you're unsure, ask a few team members, a mentor, or a peer. Consider why giving up control may be hard for you. If you struggle in this area, look for one small area you can invite your team to collaborate on this week. As you get small wins, collaboration on more significant projects will become easier.
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