5 Things Mentally Tough People Do
Mental toughness isn't about feeling less; it's about refusing to let your feelings make decisions for you. I’m often asked about what makes successful people different, and I'd put mental toughness pretty high on the list. You can have talent and still quit when things get hard. You can have all the potential in the world and never do anything with it because you can't handle rejection, criticism, uncertainty, pressure, or discomfort. Everyone has to develop mental toughness on their own. Most people aren't naturally good at it.
5 Things Mentally Tough People Do
1. Mentally tough people separate how they feel from what they do
Mentally tough people aren't emotionless. They still get nervous, discouraged, and tired. They experience self-doubt and have days when they do not feel like doing it. The difference is that they don't automatically allow those emotions to determine their behavior. People often make decisions based on how they feel. Mentally tough people say, I can feel like giving up or procrastinating and still do what needs to be done.
2. Mentally tough people control the controllables
There are many things that you cannot control in your life and career. You cannot control whether someone buys from you or not. You cannot determine how people respond to feedback. But you can control whether you use your setbacks as opportunities to grow. In fact, mentally tough people bring their attention back to a much smaller question: What can I control right now? Often, what you can do boils down to your preparation, effort, response, and attitude. Sometimes mentally tough people are not doing anything heroic; they are simply doing the next right thing.
3. Mentally tough people do not turn setbacks into identities
There's a massive difference between saying, "I failed,” and saying, "I'm a failure." Many leaders get into leadership and feel uncomfortable with people looking at them for all the answers. They wonder, "Do they realize I don't have this figured out?" Everyone else seems more qualified and better equipped. These are common feelings, but when you let them turn into your identity, you limit your confidence and your ability to treat every mistake as an opportunity rather than a judgment.
When something goes wrong, mentally tough people ask:
What happened?
What did I learn?
What will I do differently?
What's next?
4. Mentally tough people recover faster.
Mental toughness doesn't mean you never get knocked down; it means you learn how to reduce your recovery time. For some young leaders who struggle with people-pleasing, receiving criticism might ruin your entire week. But over time, maybe it only ruins your day. And then maybe it only bothers you for an hour. The criticism still hurts, but it doesn’t control you for as long as it used to. That is still growth! Mental toughness says: "This affected me, but I'm not going to allow it to own the rest of my day." Being unaffected by negative comments or failures is an unrealistic goal, but you can learn how to limit the amount of time and emotional energy those setbacks cost you.
5. Mentally tough people willingly do uncomfortable things
You don't build confidence and then do uncomfortable things. A lot of times, you do uncomfortable things and confidence is built on the other side. Mental toughness isn't primarily developed during the crisis. You build it before the crisis by repeatedly choosing discomfort. You don't prepare for pressure by avoiding pressure. You prepare for pressure by developing evidence that you can handle uncomfortable things. And every time you do, you're making a deposit. You're proving to yourself: "I can do hard things."
Mentally tough people are not emotionless robots. They aren’t just pretending that they do not feel pressure. They learn how to deal with the pressure they do feel.
Q: Which of these areas do you find that you are best at? Describe a time when you practiced the habit described in the episode. Now, which of these areas do you find you struggle with? Why? How would your career change if you could grow in that area? Your home life? Your social life?
Application Activity: The 24-Hour Reset
The next time you get knocked down, rejected, criticized, disappointed, or overwhelmed, I want you to use what I call the 24-Hour Reset. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, but within 24 hours, answer these four questions.
What am I feeling? Be specific. Don’t stop at “bad” or “upset.” Dig into the feelings and let yourself experience them fully.
What is actually true? Separate the facts from the story you're telling yourself. Saying, "I lost this opportunity" is a fact. Saying, "I'll never get another opportunity" is a story.
What can I control? Make a list! It is probably more than you think, and it’s always related to what you do next.
What's my next move? Pick one small task that you can do right away to help you move forward.
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