Giving Feedback to Defensive Employees

Have you ever had an employee who consistently delivered excellent results, but the moment you give them feedback, they get defensive, justify their actions, or even shut down? Here's the truth—if you don't address this kind of behavior, it can poison your team culture. Today, I'm giving you the playbook for coaching a defensive peak performer—what causes this behavior, why you can't ignore it, and most importantly, how to turn these tough conversations into opportunities for growth.

Why do employees get defensive?

Defensive employees aren't all trying to be difficult. They're protecting themselves. Peak performers commonly struggle with a fear of failure, pride, and a lack of self-awareness. Some of them may have had leaders in the past who weaponized feedback, so they have never had the opportunity to receive healthy feedback.

Q: Have you ever struggled with being defensive? What life experiences caused you to develop that habit? What has helped you learn how to accept feedback?

What happens if you avoid addressing defensive behavior?

1. You Create a Double Standard

Other employees will see that top performers don't have to be held accountable.

2.    You Stall Growth

Without feedback, even your best people will plateau. Remember, the goal is never to be the best. The goal is to help others reach their fullest potential!

3.    You Damage Your Team Culture

If one person is allowed to reject accountability, it discourages a culture of continuous improvement.

Q: Have you ever worked with a defensive person? How did your leader handle that situation? How did their actions (or inaction) affect the team?

How to use collaborative feedback to guide a defensive employee:

1. Set the Tone:

Start the conversation by clarifying that feedback isn't an attack or a punishment for making a mistake—it's an investment in their success.

Ex. "I want to see you continue to win, and part of my job is helping you stay at the top of your game. Can we discuss an area that could further your performance?"

2.    Ask Questions to Neutralize Emotion

When employees feel heard, their defenses drop. Asking questions can encourage self-awareness without putting them on the defensive. When possible, lead a peak performer to their own answer. Try asking:

·       "Help me understand—what's your perspective on this feedback?"

·       "Have you noticed this pattern yourself, or is this new to you?"

·       "What would success look like for you in this area?"

·       "If you were in my position, how would you coach someone on this?"

3.    Reframe Feedback as a Strength, Not a Weakness

Many top performers think feedback means they're failing. However, the proper conversation can show that you care and want to see them grow.

"The fact that we're having this conversation means I see potential for even greater success. I don't give this kind of feedback to people I don't believe in."

4.    Provide Evidence & Be Specific

General feedback feels vague and debatable. Instead, be specific.

Instead of: "You're not a team player."

Try this: "In the last two meetings, I noticed you dismissed input from the team without discussion. I'd love to see you create space for more collaboration—how do you think we can make that happen?"

5.    Give Them Ownership of the Solution

Invite them to participate in the solution instead of dictating what needs to change. When employees take ownership of their development, resistance decreases.

Ask: "What do you think is one step you could take to improve in this area?"

Application Activities:

1. Identify someone on your team who tends to get defensive. Use one of the neutralizing questions we talked about. Reframe your next piece of feedback as an opportunity, not a critique. Small shifts in how you deliver feedback can completely change how it's received.

2. Practice collaborative feedback. While peak performers tend to be defensive and require a more collaborative approach, all employees benefit from collaborative feedback. In your one-on-ones this week, try asking questions like these:

3. What would help your workday go more smoothly?

4. How do you organize your day? Are there any times you would like me to help you protect?

5. What is the most important thing you're working on right now?