Are you hard to lead? (and how to become more coachable)

Some of the most talented, driven, and high-performing leaders are incredibly difficult to lead. Left unaddressed, this will hurt leaders’ ability to lead their teams. They cannot demand coachability for their teams if they are not coachable, and they cannot preach accountability if they subtly avoid it themselves. Mastering your ability to receive feedback will be one of the things that helps you stand out at higher levels, where everyone is talented and driven. On today’s episode, we unpack what makes high-performers difficult followers, how leaders unintentionally frustrate their bosses, and a simple test that will help your self-awareness. 

Common Patterns that Make High Performers Difficult Followers

1. High performers struggle with alignment when they disagree

High performers are decisive and form strong opinions quickly. As a result, they tend to comply behaviorally but resist emotionally when their boss chooses that they would not have made. If you only align when you agree, you are hard to lead.

2. High performers move too fast for their boss

You may be frustrated because your boss is slow, but sometimes what feels like slowness is stewardship. Your boss often has insight into risks, stakeholders, and politics you are unaware of. When you consistently override or outpace alignment, your boss feels pressure instead of partnership. High capacity without patience creates tension.

3. High performers resist directions they did not initiate themselves

High performers tend to ask questions and push back publicly when they receive strong direction. Their bosses may even start to wonder why everything seems like a debate. If everything requires negotiation, you are hard to lead.

4. High performers communicate upward selectively

High performers love sharing wins, strategy, and vision with their bosses, but they delay sharing problems. They are capable, and they don’t want to look weak or inefficient. However, when your boss learns of issues late, it erodes trust. If your boss finds out about issues late, even if you solve them, you become harder to lead.

Q: Have you ever found yourself engaging in one oof these behaviors? When did you become aware of it? How did you change? How did it affect your relationship with your leader?

How Leaders Frustrate Their Own Bosses

1. They bring problems without clarity

2. They seek autonomy but avoid accountability

3. They defend instead of listening

4. They require excessive affirmation

Q: Why do you think these behaviors are frustrating? What do you think high-performers can do instead?

The Self-Awareness Test

Ask yourself these questions honestly.

1. Does my boss feel lighter or heavier after interacting with me?

2. Do I make their job easier or more complicated?

3. When I disagree, do I show maturity or intensity?

4. Am I predictable in character and performance?

5. Do I give my boss visibility into my world before they have to ask?

6. Have I ever directly asked, “What makes me hard to lead?

Application Activities

1. In your next one-on-one with your boss, try saying this: “I want to be easy to lead. What is one thing I do that makes your job harder?” Then, write down what they say without defending yourself, explaining, or trying to justify your actions. Thank them for their feedback, and identify one specific way you can apply it to become a better employee.

2. Over the course of the next few weeks, ask these questions in your 1-on-1 meetings with your boss. Choose one or two questions per meeting. Seek clarity on the behaviors you are doing that hurt your personal brand and what you can do differently. You could also ask your peers for feedback if you wanted a greater understanding.

   • “Is there a level of transparency you’d like from me that you’re not getting?”

   • “Do I ever unintentionally undermine decisions after they are made?”

   • “Do you feel like I fully own my misses?”

   • “Have you ever held back feedback because of how I might respond?”

   • “What do the strongest leaders you’ve worked with do differently than I do?”