Applying the 5 Levels of Leadership at Home with Chris and Sara Goede

Leadership isn't just for the boardroom, the office, or the team you manage; leadership is a powerful tool for parenting. However, most parents are never really taught how to lead at home with the same intentionality that they bring to their careers. Today, I'm excited to welcome Chris and Sara Goede to the podcast to talk about one of the most essential topics: leading with purpose at home. Chris and Sara have built their family on the principles of influence, intentionality, and growth, and now, they're using their experiences to help other parents do the same. If you've ever wondered how to raise your kids with the same clarity and purpose that you bring to your career, this episode is for you.

Chris Goede

Chris is the Executive Vice President of Maxwell Leadership, where he draws on nearly three decades of experience starting, growing, and leading companies. Chris is passionate about helping leaders maximize their strengths and build high-performing teams. Before joining Maxwell Leadership, he successfully led startups in real estate and manufacturing, giving him a diverse business background.

Sara Goede

Sara has a background in nursing and spent years mentoring, coaching, and serving in her church. Having recently launched her coaching platform, she now helps parents raise strong leaders and women discover their passions. Together with Chris, Sara is navigating the empty-nest season with joy, continuing their mission to serve others and share what they've learned about faith, marriage, and parenting.

The content below is paraphrased from Chris and Sara's responses.

When it comes to leading at home, it often feels like many parents aren't being well-equipped.  Why do you think this is, and why does teaching leadership at home matter?

Sara: Leaders put so much effort into learning how to lead their teams well, but we don't automatically think of our home in the same way. One of my good friends is a leader in healthcare, and when it came to a situation involving her kids, she was at a loss. She was at her wits' end. I asked her to imagine her kid was on her team at work. How would she approach them? How would she help them? What systems would she put in place? And I saw the lightbulb come on. You don't have to come up with a completely new system to lead your family; you must use what you already know. All five levels of leadership apply to the home.

Q: Do you find it easier to lead at work or at home? What similarities do you see between the two? What are some differences?

Chris: We looked at our family as a team. We called it Team Goede. My wife was the CEO of our house and the captain of our team. That was how we looked at that structure. Leaders who are not appropriately developed will lead either how they wish they were led or how they were led. Neither of those is usually right.

Sara: At home, you can't just put your kid on a performance improvement plan or fire them. You can put on a good face at work, but at home, everyone knows everyone else. They know your strengths and weaknesses. You cannot manipulate your home the way you might be able to at work. Your kids and your family will see you for who you really are. The effort that goes into leading your home well is the most sacrificial thing you can do.

What are the five levels of leadership, and what do the five levels of leadership look like for families?

Level 1:  You can influence others because of your position.

You have a title, and people follow you because of that title. As a parent, you created that position for yourself. If you lead from that title, you're usually saying, "Because I said so."

Level 2: You can influence others because you have a relationship.

You have relationships and connect with people. People follow you because they want to. As a parent operating at this level, kids will follow you because they feel seen and loved, and they trust you.

Level 3: You can influence others because they see your results.

Your connections lead to productivity. People follow you because of what you have done for and through the team. Parents do this by showing them how to tie their shoes, clean up their messes, and so on. You're adding value to your child so that they can become the person you hope they will become.

Level 4: You can influence others because you are developing others.

You begin to reproduce yourself in others and develop them personally and professionally. In parenting, you're showing your kids how to do things on their own. They know that they can come back to you if they need help, but they are also developing the confidence to do it themselves.

Level 5: You can influence others because you have earned their respect.

You have done levels 2, 3, and 4 for so long that people see you as a meaningful influence on their lives. You have the ultimate respect because of the effort you have put into the relationship.

Sara: Leaders tend to default to either being heavily relationship-based or heavily production-based. Parents who ignore relationships or production because they are unable to grow in that area will develop kids who are emotionally immature and unprepared for the real world. You must have both relationships and guardrails in place.

Q: What levels of leadership do you operate in at work? At home? Are you using the same levels in both places? Why or why not?

Leading Children Based on Their Values

Sara: I thought that if I led like my parents, I would be effective. But I learned that I had to speak into my kids' lives based on their values. Whenever you can parent in a way that aligns with their values, whether that be fun, independence, etc., you can build confidence and develop greater levels of trust and respect.

Q: What are your family values? What decisions are you making to support those values? What are you doing that does not support those values, and how can you get back on track?

How are the five levels applied in different ages and seasons of life?

Chris: Just like at work, you and your team and your family are constantly evolving. You must develop a strong level 2 leadership. You must develop strong relationships with your children, but the way it looks may look different in every season. If you don't, you can try to drive production and get them to grow and develop themselves, but they will only do it because of your title. Over time, this will not develop into the kind of respect that it would if you had a stronger relationship.

Sara: Families need clarity on their values and their goals. Our values are centered around faith and developing productive members of society. This clarity did not change throughout the stages of life. This clarity also helps provide stability in case you need to take a detour and help your kids through a mistake or a difficult situation. I would also ask my kids, "Where are you at from a scale of 1-10?" in a variety of areas. Their responses helped me see the gaps and identify what they needed from me.

Application Activities:

1. Which of the five levels of leadership do you use in your family? Take some time to write down the different things you influenced your kids to do this week and evaluate which level of leadership you used in each situation. Now think about the situations you wish you had handled differently. What level of leadership did you use? What level of leadership do you want to use next time? Come up with a script or action plan to help you remember your plan whenever that situation comes up again.

2. Think about your kids' values. Make a list of activities that would help you connect with them over those values. Schedule time to intentionally connect and invest in your relationship over the next seven days.